Think Positive! Blog - official blog for ipopin.com

Tips to help you stay cool and calm through the holiday season

Even though I posted these tips last year, I think they are worth repeating.  I know it's a little late in the holiday season and a few of the big holidays are over, but I hope those of you with holiday celebrations to come can still make use of them. (Next year, I'll try to get on the ball earlier).

Here are 11 tips to help reduce stress and create a healthy, happy holiday season.

1. Stay Positive!  You are in control of your attitude - choose to be positive. Use affirmations and the power of positive thinking to stay positive.
2. Use deep breathing!  Practice deep breathing exercises to help you stay relaxed when you are feeling stressed (i.e.: waiting in line at stores or in parking lot traffic).
3. Exercise!  Park far away from the store so that you get a little extra exercise; try tai chi or yoga to help keep your body, mind and spirit fit.
4. Practice mindfulness! Stay in the present moment by practicing mindfulness -as you walk keep your attention on what it feels like to be walking (not on your list of things to do); or try mindful eating by eating slowly and paying attention to the experience of eating.
5. Keep a gratitude journal! Each day record at least 3 things in your life for which you are grateful.
6. Play!  Watch funny movies, play games, have fun. Take time to play and engage in pleasurable activities.
7. Enjoy nature! Take time each day to appreciate nature - a beautiful sunset, a freshly fallen snow, etc.
8. Be generous and kind! Focus on helping those in need - good deeds can help us feel good about ourselves (i.e. - donate to charities, let someone get in front of you in line, etc.).
9. Share your positive attitude! A smile can be contagious. Compliment and encourage others.
10. Create a peaceful space! Create a peaceful space or sanctuary in your home where you can retreat and restore you inner peace. Spend at least a few minutes here each day.
11. Connect with others! Be sure to spend quality time with friends and family. Nurture your relationships. Ask for support when you need it.

Open your heart

I think a lot of people have learned to close their heart in order to protect themselves from all of the negative news in our world and from getting hurt in relationships. Closing our hearts certainly can be one way to cope with difficult and sad events. Putting up your walls of protection can keep you from a broken heart. The downside is that when you close your heart, you miss out on the joy and pleasure that you get from an open heart that allows you to connect with others in a deep and meaningful way. You aren't really living life to the fullest unless your heart is open.

If you find that you have closed your heart and put up walls around you, start by opening your heart a little at a time. This holiday season is a great time to start. Try opening your heart and giving love to those around you AND allow others to give love to you. It may feel scary at first. You may feel vulnerable and fear rejection, but give it a try anyway. The rewards are tremendous.

Pay attention to the feelings and sensations as you open your heart. Imagine sending love from your heart to your family, your neighbors, everyone in your city, then to the world. Then imagine receiving love from others in the same order.  Practice this imagery daily. As you continue with this modified version of the Buddhist loving-kindness meditation, you might want to start focusing on people with whom you have conflict and send them love. As you get the hang of opening your heart, share your experiences with us by leaving a comment here.

Protect yourself from energy vampires

Have you ever spent time with someone and left feeling drained and depleted?  Or maybe you have worked with someone who is depressed and then you find yourself feeling blue around him or her.  Some people call these types of people energy vampires.  Whatever you call them, it is important to learn to protect your energetic boundaries so that you do not leave feeling wiped out.

 

I have found that one of the best ways to protect myself in these situations is to imagine myself surrounded by a protective bubble.  I imagine that this bubble keeps out any unwanted energy and keeps my own energy from seeping out without my knowledge.  I also imagine that the bubble is permeable and allows positive energy to flow in.  I usually picture it as a beautiful golden light that is egg-shaped and surrounds me completely.  I use this imagery before I go into crowds or before spending time with someone I know tends to zap my energy.

 

If I feel like my energy has already been zapped, I use a similar imagery technique to recharge my energy.  I imagine a golden light filling me up.  I start at the core of my being and then imagine this light filling every cell of my body.  I allow the light to push out any negative energy I feel and replace it with positive healthy energy.  I then imagine the light spreading out beyond my body to form a bubble around me.

 

Give these simple imagery techniques a try and let me know how it works for you by leaving a comment here

Spirituality and altruism

This article - Thinking About God Leads To Generosity, Study Suggests – from Science Daily caught my eye. The article is about a study published in the September 2007 issue of Psychological Science Journal. The researches looked at how thinking about God or a higher power influenced generosity and cooperation. The results indicated that when people were shown words like spirit, divine, God, and sacred they were more likely to exhibit generosity than people who were shown non-spiritual words. They also found that when subjects were shown secular words like civic, jury, police, and contract they exhibited the same level of generosity as those shown the spiritual words.

So what does this mean? Well, it sort of reminds me of the old notion – garbage in, garbage out. If we put positive content in, then we get positive behavior out. Really, this is a pretty simple concept. I think this is an important area for everyone to think about – especially parents. We get bombarded with so much violent, negative, and stressful content. Perhaps we need to be sure to feed our minds (and those of our kids) with at least an equal amount of positive, spiritual, and uplifting content. Search out positive news and inspiring movies. Read uplifting and spiritual books.

If everyone started consuming more positive content, imagine what a difference we could make. Perhaps we would see an increase in generous and altruistic behavior across the globe. So here is my challenge to you: for the next week, make an extra effort to seek out positive, spiritual, and uplifting material. In addition, limit your exposure to negative material. Include your kids and family in this experiment. Let me know what you notice by leaving a comment here.

Developing confidence

Years ago I was terrified of public speaking. I mean truly terrified! When I was in high school and college, I would avoid any classes that required presentations. Before I started graduate school, I was offered a job on a college campus to be the coordinator of their sexual assault prevention program. I was excited about this offer because I was passionate about the topic. Well… I was excited until I learned that my biggest responsibility would be to make presentations to the first year women students. Presentations! Ugghh! Despite my first reaction, which was to run away, I did take the job. I was a nervous wreck for the first several presentations. After a while I started to like giving the presentations. Funny how that works! Now, I absolutely love public speaking!

Sometimes jumping in with both feet is the best way to build confidence (like I did with public speaking). Other times, a more subtle approach is best. You may feel confident in some areas of your life and totally lack confidence in other areas. When you are faced with a situation for which you lack confidence, you can draw on the confidence you have in other areas. Close your eyes and imagine a time when you felt confident. Use all of your senses to recreate this time in your mind’s eye as vividly as you can. Feel the confidence growing and expanding to fill your whole being. After you do this imagery you will be feeling more confident and better able to tackle the task at hand.

In which areas of your life do you feel confident? In which areas do you lack confidence? How do you build confidence?

Are you asking for what you want in life?

When you go to a restaurant and your food is a little cold, do you ask the waiter to take it back and get a new one? Or do you eat what is in front of you? When you check into a hotel and there is something wrong with your room (not they right type or perhaps it smells like smoke), do you ask for a new room? Is there something missing in your relationship with your spouse? Have you thought about asking for what you need?

A lot of people accept what they get, even when it is not what they want or paid for. There are plenty of reasons why people don’t ask. Sometimes people are too embarrassed and don’t want to make a scene. Other people just don’t realize that they can ask for what they want. Whatever the reason, if you haven’t been asking for what you want, I suggest you start now.

You are responsible to get your needs and wants met. In order to do this you must start asking. You can’t expect others to know automatically what you want. If you pay for something and it isn’t what you wanted, stand up for yourself and ask that the situation be remedied. Ask a second or third time if necessary. You deserve to get what you paid for.

Remember this principal applies to the bigger picture also. Are you asking for what you want out of life? If you want to be an active participant in creating the life you want, you have to start asking God, the universe, and other people for what you want.

3 ways to conquer fears

Everyone feels fear at some point in his or her life. Fear is a natural and useful emotion. Feeling afraid to pick up a poisonous spider, walk down a dark deserted alley in a high crime area, or walk across a busy highway keeps us safe. However, many people suffer from unnecessary and sometimes irrational fears. This type of fear can keep you from achieving your goals and enjoying life - especially if you have many fears. Some common fears include, spiders, snakes, terrorism, public speaking, dogs, and heights. If you are struggling with fears and you want to learn how to conquer them, I suggest 3 different paths you can try.

The western way – A tried and true approach to reduce and eliminate fears is to use the process known as systematic desensitization. This involves repeated and graduated exposure to the feared stimulus paired with relaxation techniques (deep breathing, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, etc.). For example, if you are afraid of heights you might start by viewing a video taken from on top of a tall building and practice your relaxation techniques until you feel comfortable viewing this video. Once you can look at the video without any fear, you might try going to the top floor of a small building and looking out the window while practicing your relaxation techniques. Continue with these graduated steps paired with your relaxation techniques until you can go to the top of a tall building and feel comfortable. If you have intense fears, you will probably want to seek the support of a therapist to help you use this process.

The eastern way - Meditation can help you reduce your fear response. Scientific research has shown that meditation can change the brain and help reduce fear, anxiety, anger, and depression. Dr. Richard Davidson (University of Wisconsin) found that meditating helps increase activity in the left pre-frontal cortex (part of brain associated with happiness and positivity) and quiet activity in the amygdala and right pre-frontal cortex (parts associated with fear). Regular meditation can also help you connect with your inner resources that help you to feel more calm and confident. To start a meditation practice, I suggest that you start small – try for a few minutes each day and work your way to a length of time that works for you. Remember that meditation is NOT about stopping the brain from thinking! That is what the brain does by nature – it thinks. The key to meditation is to be aware of these thoughts (and they will come) and then bring your awareness back to the present moment.

East meets west - Tap, tap, tap your fears away with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). There is evidence to support this new technique that involves acupressure combined with mental activities to reduce fear quickly and easily. EFT, a particular type of energy psychology, is showing great promise as a quick and efficient method to conquer fears. EFT involves simple stimulation of certain acupressure points in order to reprogram the energy system to have a new reaction to old fearful thoughts and stimuli. Tapping acupressure points while focusing on a fearful memory seems to deactivate areas of the brain that are involved in fear and pain. EFT is something you can learn from a book, the EFT website, or a practitioner and then practice on your own anytime you need it.

 If fear is interfering with your life, there is hope. You don't have to simply put up with a life full of fear. Any of the above techniques can help you conquer your fear and move forward with your life feeling more calm, cool, and confident.

Journaling for well-being

Journaling (the practice of writing about your thoughts and feelings) is a powerful tool that influences your body, mind, and spirit. In the last 20 years or so scientists have been researching the benefits of journaling and have found some amazing results. James Pennebaker, Ph.D., has found that journaling helps boost the immune system, reduce stress, manage pain, and enhance well-being.

So how do you get the most out of journaling? I suggest that people write in their journal every day (or at least most days) for 10-20 minutes. The most important thing is to keep your journal private. When you know that no one else will read your writing, it is easier to put your inner most thoughts and feelings down on paper. Don’t worry about spelling and grammar… or even writing complete sentences. It is best to let yourself go and write. Simply write from your heart and be honest about your thoughts and feelings.

Journaling is especially helpful when you are going through a difficult time. There's something almost magical about putting those thoughts and feelings onto paper that helps decrease the intensity and give you perspective. It is also helpful to write in your journal when you are doing well. Then when you are struggling or going through a bad time you can pull out your journal and read your positive entries to inspire you and help you move through the difficult times.

If you are looking for an easy self improvement tool, get out your journal and write! Write about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Be bold and couragous: learning to live a life of passion

Passion is an intense driving emotion, enthusiasm, or conviction. It is a strong desire for an activity, object, or concept. It is that fire in your belly that drives you. Passion is not only about your career or job; it is about every aspect of your life. Leading a passionate life encompasses every part of your life – your career, your relationships, your hobbies, any causes you are involved with, etc. Pursuing your passions connects you to your soul and satisfies your deep cravings for a meaningful life. It means connecting with your purpose and living your life to the fullest. When you are following your passion you will experience profound happiness, joy, and success. In addition, living a passionate life can actually help you live up to 6 years longer, according to Dr. Mehmet Oz (authors of a series of books to help you get healthy).

Everyone has felt passionate about something at some point in their life. In fact, passion can be as simple as your love for bird-watching, gardening, reading, or walking in the woods. It can also be something huge and life altering like working to help end homelessness in your country.

Take some time to review your past experiences with passion. Think of a time when you were stopped in your tracks by the beauty of a sunset or sunrise. The incredible hues of orange, pink, and purple. The spectacular way the light bounces off the clouds creating a sky that is completely captivating. When you get absorbed in moments like this you are connected with your passion. Then think about a time when you were engaged in an activity that you love - at work or play. A time when you were so absorbed in the activity that you completely lost track of time. Both of these experiences represent passionate living. Living a passionate life means being present in the moment to appreciate and enjoy the small things in life in addition to having an overriding passion that drives your life’s work.

Once you know what some of your passions are (big or small), you need to make time and space in your life to pursue them. Cultivating your passion will begin to spark and awaken other passions. As you continue to follow your heart and connect with that fire in your belly you will reap the rewards of living passionately. Don't let anything get in your way. Not fear, lack of time, or other people. Let your passion carry you through any obstacles that get in your way. When there's passion, there's a way.

One of the most powerful examples of passionate living despite extreme obstacles is Jean-Dominique Bauby, a French fashion magazine editor and author. Bauby wrote a best seller (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly) after suffering from a stroke that left him almost completely paralyzed and unable to speak. He wrote his book with the help of a speech therapist. The therapist would recite the alphabet until Bauby would blink his left eye to indicate the next letter. He wrote the entire book one letter at a time! Clearly Bauby's passion was driving this process. Many people would give up and focus only on their limitations. Due to Bauby’s passion, he found a way to write a book despite all the obstacles.

Passion can be a powerful driving force that allows you to plow through obstacles in order to reach your goals. Sometimes following your passion requires changes and leaps of faith. I have a deep passion for helping people use the power of positive thinking to create the life they want. This passion drove me to start a new business, offering audio affirmations, to my existing coaching practice. Despite the fact that I have had a few failed business ventures and I understand the difficulties of owning and operating a business, I knew I had to launch my new business. I knew I needed to follow my passion. This passion is what drives me and allows me to take action and overcome obstacles to make this business a success.

Whether you are aware of it or not, you are a passionate person. Everyone is. If you have trouble identifying or engaging your passions there are a few things you can try to jump-start your passionate life.

Experiment - If you are not sure what your passions are, start experimenting. Try taking a class - cooking, photography, computer skills, knitting, exercise, writing, yoga, etc. Think about things you enjoyed as a child and check them out again. Keep exploring until you find some things that spark your passion. If you are really stuck, try some things that your friends are passionate about and see if they feel right for you.

Make a list - The Bucket List is a movie about 2 men who are battling cancer. They decide to make lists of all the things they want to do before they "kick the bucket." I suggest you start your list now - even if you are in perfect health. Make a list of all the things you would do if you had no limits - you know, the things that you secretly dream about doing but feel you can't. Include everything that you wish you could do before you die. This list can guide you as you begin living your passionate life. Why wait until you are facing death to start living the life you want?

Stop and smell the roses - Opening up to your passion for the everyday things helps you connect with your bigger life passions. Start small and stop to smell the roses - literally. Pay attention to the beauty that is around you - flowers, sunsets, smiles, playful children, etc. Instead of living on autopilot and simply going through the motions, you can begin to appreciate the small things in your life. Experiencing this type of passion helps you open up to live a fully passionate life.

De-stress - When you are constantly feeling stressed it is difficult (if not impossible) to feel your passion. You need to find ways to reduce your stress and free yourself up to live passionately. The good news here is that there are many different ways to manage stress. If you keep at it, you will find at least a few stress management techniques that work for you and fit in with your lifestyle. Here are a few techniques you can try: meditation, yoga, tai chi, progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, deep breathing, and emotional freedom technique. Keep trying techniques until you find a few that work for you. It is important to have several stress management tools in your toolbox. Practice stress management techniques everyday. Over time you will notice a significant improvement in your ability to stay cool despite the stressors around you.

Conquer your fears - Next to stress, fear is probably the biggest passion killer. Many people know what their passions are, but are afraid to make the necessary changes in their lives to follow their passion. Perhaps you have always wanted to be a rock star, but you are afraid to leave your 9 to 5 job. Or maybe you have always dreamed of moving to your favorite city. In order to live the passionate life you must not let anyone or anything get in your way. Be courageous and be bold! Do something courageous everyday! It is important to remember that pursuing your passions creates happiness and helps you find meaning in life. So, even if you try some new venture and fail (by objective standards) you still win because you have the deep satisfaction that you gain from living passionately.

Make the time – You need to start now! You can’t keep waiting for extra time to magically appear so that you can pursue your passions – it’s likely you won’t find the time and you might miss your opportunities. You have to make the effort and carve out the time. You can do this in many different ways. Get up an hour early. Turn off the TV one or more nights a week. Hire a babysitter one afternoon a week. Use at least one lunch hour a week to pursue your passion. While it may seem like a difficult thing to do at first, after you get going you will find that taking this time is well worth it.

Focus on the positives - Don’t fire hose yourself. Don't dwell on the negatives and talk yourself out of pursuing your passion. If you have some ideas about activities you want to try or causes you want to join, don’t let your mind get carried away with all the potential pitfalls. A fair amount of reason is important; however, over-thinking and focusing on the negatives will stifle your passion and keep you trapped where you are. You could also use affirmations to keep you focused and fearless. For example: My passion guides everything I do or I courageously follow my passion.

Now you have the information and tools to help you live a passionate life. There are some risks involved, but the rewards (happiness, joy, and deep satisfaction with life) far outweigh the risks. So... no more excuses! Start pursuing your passions today. It is time to ignite that fire in your belly and fulfill your purpose in life. It is time to be bold and live passionately!

Sizzle or fizzle? Are you living a bold and passionate life?

1) When you start working on a fun project, which of the following best describes you?

A) You have trouble even getting started.

B) You have to force yourself to keep working and finish the project. 

C) You enjoy the project and your enthusiasm carries you through to the end.

D) You get so involved in the project that you lose track of time and your surroundings.  You work non-stop until you are finished.

 

2) You are at a dinner party and someone makes a snide comment about an issue that is important to you.  What do you do?

A) Forget about it, you don’t want to make a scene.

B) Get up and leave and wish you had the guts to say something.

C) You make a few comments to share your point of view.

D) You simply can’t help yourself - you get out your soapbox and make a long heartfelt speech.

 

3) Passionate everlasting romance is:

A) a fairy tale - it just doesn’t exist.

B) something that you wish for, but are doubtful you can find it.

C) something you've seen glimpses of and believe that it is possible.

D) absolutely possible.  You expect nothing less in your life.

 

4) The idea of following your passions in life is:

A) for the foolish.  You need to be practical to make a living.

B) something you've dreamed about, but haven't yet tried.

C) something you believe is important and you are taking some steps in that direction.

D) essential.  You wouldn't dream of living any other way.

 

5) Your deepest passion is:

A) huh?  I have no idea - who has time for passion.

B) a secret dream that you keep to yourself and dream about.

C) something that you are taking steps to pursue.

D) what I do everyday.

 

6) When you wake up in the morning you:

A) hate to wake up.  There is nothing to look forward to.

B) get up and go about your day - dreaming of a different life.

C) you go about your daily tasks, and find some time to do something that sparks that fire in your belly.

D) are so excited to because your day is filled with things that you absolutely love.

 

7) When you get home from work you:

A) crash in front of the TV until you fall asleep.

B) you think about some fun activities, but can’t find the energy.

C) you spend some time on a hobby before going to sleep.

D) you either continue working or engage in a hobby and get so absorbed you almost forget to go to sleep.

 

8)     In the evening as the sun sets, you:

A) never even notice.

B) wish you had time to look at sunsets.

C) enjoy them once in a while.

D) stop what you are doing and get completely absorbed watching the fantastic light show.

 

9) Your friends are:

A) non-existent – you prefer a loner’s life.

B) are people that you can party with.

C) important to you.  You enjoy your time together and help each other out when needed.

D) an integral part of your life.  You have deep and meaningful connections with your friends. 

 

10) What governs you most:

A) my head - all the way.

B) my head - but I dream of another way.

C) mostly my head, with a bit of heart.

D) mostly my heart.

 

Scoring Key:

 

Mostly A’s – Your life lacks that spark of passion that brings happiness and life satisfaction.  You might not even realize that there is a different way to life.  You probably feel like life is a bit of a chore.  You are just putting in your time and going through the motions.  Try reading some inspirational books to help ignite your passion.  Then start experimenting with some things to find something that sparks your interest – take a class, start a new hobby, pay attention to the beauty around you.  Start small and then work your way to some bigger life-changing passions. 

 

Mostly B’s – You are not living a passionate life, but you recognize that there is a different way.  You might have a secret wish for a more passionate life, but you are afraid to take the steps.  Start imaging what it would be like to live your secret passion.  Remember that being afraid to change your life is not an excuse to stay stuck.  Start taking some small steps now and do something courageous everyday.

 

Mostly C’s – You are experiencing some passion in your life.  You probably recognize the value in pursuing your passions.  There are so many rewards that come when you pursue your passion fully.  It is time to step it up a notch.  Time to go big!  Make your list of things you want to do before you die and start doing them.  Go for your dreams!  Make some bold moves to engage your passion  fully.

 

Mostly D’s – Congratulations!  You are living a bold and passionate life!  Your life is likely full of joy and happiness.  You feel life has great meaning and that you are living your purpose.  Keep up the good work.  Your courageous and bold approach to live will pay off with many amazing rewards.  Enjoy your passionate life!

 

Tune in tomorrow morning (3/20/09) for my post about living a more bold and passionate life.